This is easier said than done. We are each wrapped up in our own lives. We have our own goals and our own worries. 

It’s difficult to surrender ego for the sake of another person. Yet that’s the key to dealing with people: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. 

The Golden Rule, says Carnegie, is prevalent in nearly every culture, and is the basis for dealing with others.

How to Win Friends covers four broad topics:

Fundamental techniques in handling people

How to make people like you

How to win people to your way of thinking

How to change people without giving offense or arousing resentment

Twelve Ways to Win People to Your Way of Thinking

What’s the best way to settle a disagreement in your favor? My mantra is: If you want to defeat your enemy, sing his song. Carnegie’s approach is similar:

1. You can’t win an argument: The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
2. A sure way of making enemies — and how to avoid it: Show respect for the other man’s opinions. Never tell a man he is wrong.
3. If you’re wrong, admit it: If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
4. The high road to a man’s reason: Begin in a friendly way.
5. The secret of Socrates: Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately.
6. The safety valve in handling complaints: Let the other man do a great deal of the talking.
7. How to get co-operation: Let the other fellow feel the idea is his.
8. A formula that will work wonders for you: Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.
9. What everybody wants: Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.
10. An appeal that everybody likes: Appeal to the nobler motives.
11. The movies do it. Radio does it. Why don’t you do it? Dramatize your ideas.
12. When nothing else works, try this: Throw down a challenge.

Nine Ways to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment

The book’s final section suggests techniques for changing other people.

1. If you must find fault, this is the way to begin: Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
2. How to criticize — and not be hated for it: Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.
3. Talk about your own mistakes first: Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
4. No one likes to take orders: Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
5. Let the other man save his face.
6. How to spur men to success: Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement.
7. Give the dog a good name: Give a man a fine reputation to live up to.
8. Make the fault seem easy to correct: Use encouragement. Make the thing you want the other person to do seem easy.
9. Making people glad to do what you want: Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.

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